A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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