Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
pop tarts are not kleenex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
