U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
