I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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