why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
