im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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