Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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