I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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