party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
