Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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