I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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