It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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