dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
