I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
