I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
