That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize