How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
