I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize