glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
