It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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