Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
