hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
