watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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