My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
