dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
