I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
