youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Operation Purity has been aborted
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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