Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
