I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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