I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
