Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
