I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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