The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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