did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
