Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
