Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
