i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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