Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
