it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He passed out mid-signature
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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