he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
