wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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