Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
