Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
