Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
