I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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