you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
