my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
