I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
