Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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