Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
