I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
