i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
