I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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