Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Welp...herpes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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