She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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