Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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