He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize