I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
