Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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