i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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