dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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