I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize