The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
