By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
