Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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