My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
