tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
