Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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