I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
