I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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